I had a horrible, rotten, terrible Parent Meeting on Friday. It was basically your average "You-look-like-you're-twelve-how-can-you-possibly-teach-my-child" mixed with a few "I realize you're only a sub" and "My kid is usually an "A" student"s...... Now mind you, I have my masters degree in Education, my bachelors in English Literature, a teaching certificate from New York State, a reasonable amount of experience tutoring ELA, 3 years of teaching experience and have worked at several libraries in my lifetime. But for some reason these parents who were secretaries and mechanics respectively, (Not that they aren't hard working, intelligent people they just HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A TEACHER!!!!)
I felt smooshed. Deflated. MISERABLE afterwards. And still had to teach all day since this meeting was scheduled for second period. Long story short, I gave their daughter an incomplete instead of the 41% she earned on her report card, to give her time to get her grade back up to par. I did this out of the goodness of my heart, not because I had to. Her parents were angry that I wouldn't count her VERY late, and poorly done work for full credit but had agreed to bump her grade up to a passing 65%.
I shuffled my way through the rest of the day. Cursing my job and my crummy luck. I hate not having a "real" job. Granted, I will be teaching at the same school until June. I worked as a full time teacher there last year. But, I'm just filling in for a long maternity leave. The truth is that I am really just a sub, and that makes me so sad.
But, I do have an impact of 96 students every day. And I do love my job.... and dammit I matter.
Eleventh period that day my principal came down to my classroom and asked to speak to me. I got immediate butterflies. Butterflies having seizures.
Him- I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a great job. No matter what those particular parents think.
Me- (stuttering like a fool) OMG. Well, thanks. Really. Thanks. I mean. Thanks.
Him- You're delightful and I wish we could keep you around, you are a fantastic teacher and Im glad to have you on my team.
Me- ..........................................
Him- Alright, thats all. Just wanted to check in to make sure you're ok.
Me- (blushing like a lobster) uhhh.... thanks.
Then I grinned for the remainder of the day. I may not be eloquent but I am delightful ;-)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Appreciate Me; or else.
A friend of mine works in a school district in sunny California, so overall I am jealous of her and her weather anyway. Additionally, she works for a district that is overtly thankful for her. What I mean by this is that they demonstrate their appreciation for her regularly and in ways that matter. I’m not talking about a button for her ID lanyard proclaiming her a “#1 Teacher”, I’m talking about a personal thank-you note from her immediate supervisor with intricate details about a job well done. Can you imagine the very idea of such recognition? Granted, she works is a very affluent district, so wealthy in fact that parents of her students bought her plane tickets as a Christmas gift this year…but thank you notes, they’re free.
It seems that as a profession, teachers in general are getting the proverbial beat-down. We can’t seem to ever do enough, and the very idea of summer vacation always seems to send us into the realm of useless professionals with too many days off. Which is a completely asinine assumption as the breaks offer both teacher and student the opportunity to digest information, and relax the mind. Too many people in the general public believe that teaching is a job that anyone can do, which again is so far from the truth its laughable. Teaching is a calling, in the course of my day I have the power to transform the minds of children. I can make their day either fabulous or miserable, I can offer guidance or crush dreams: imagine if just “anyone” were given that power.
I didn’t go into teaching to make millions, I’m still holding out that I will become rich and famous one day, but teaching isn’t what is going to get me there. Most of my colleagues make less than $40,000 a year, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t fabulous educators with a true passion for their students. There are clearly more profitable fields we could go into with our Masters level educations.
I am sick to death of worrying about the state budget and district cuts. I am tired of hearing how teachers are overpaid for their work. (By the way I work waaaay more than an 8 hour day. I spend well over 50 hours a week at school, and I handle the emotional and educational needs of more than 100 students every day). It saddens me to see that class sizes are growing out of control and that I cannot devote much time to each and every student. I am so worn out wondering where and if I will be working next year. It is becoming increasingly difficult to maintain a positive attitude about myself and my profession.
I became a teacher not for recognition, but because I loved kids and wanted to make a difference in their lives. This is one of the only professions where I have the unique opportunity to make a difference each and every day. That is not to say that I wouldn’t like nice pat on the back now and then.
Don Quimby reminds us to “keep on keeping on” over at Teachers.net in saying that “Teaching is a special calling. Teaching is a mission. Will teachers ever reach the point where they will be properly rewarded in their efforts to make a difference? I don't think so, but…so what? People don't become teachers because they know they will make a lot of money and live the lifestyle of the rich and famous. What matters most is that teachers have an opportunity to touch lives in ways that can make a difference in the futures of thousands of people.”
All in all I feel that a simple thank you would go a long way toward making the educational atmosphere a more tolerable place to be. If you happen to be my administrator, monitoring my key strokes well then check out ways to make teachers happy and perhaps realize that our time is valuable and so are we. Like a fellow blogger comments over at “I want to Teach Forever” : “Most importantly, our time must be respected. This statement has many meanings:
• give us as much uninterrupted instructional time as possible
• don't waste our time with pointless faculty meetings (meetings are for things that require discussion and debate, not for things that could be written in an email or paper memo)
• don't bury us in redundant paperwork
• let us have actual lesson planning time during planning periods
• before you schedule something on weekends, before and after school, or during breaks, discuss it with us first!”
It seems that as a profession, teachers in general are getting the proverbial beat-down. We can’t seem to ever do enough, and the very idea of summer vacation always seems to send us into the realm of useless professionals with too many days off. Which is a completely asinine assumption as the breaks offer both teacher and student the opportunity to digest information, and relax the mind. Too many people in the general public believe that teaching is a job that anyone can do, which again is so far from the truth its laughable. Teaching is a calling, in the course of my day I have the power to transform the minds of children. I can make their day either fabulous or miserable, I can offer guidance or crush dreams: imagine if just “anyone” were given that power.
I didn’t go into teaching to make millions, I’m still holding out that I will become rich and famous one day, but teaching isn’t what is going to get me there. Most of my colleagues make less than $40,000 a year, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t fabulous educators with a true passion for their students. There are clearly more profitable fields we could go into with our Masters level educations.
I am sick to death of worrying about the state budget and district cuts. I am tired of hearing how teachers are overpaid for their work. (By the way I work waaaay more than an 8 hour day. I spend well over 50 hours a week at school, and I handle the emotional and educational needs of more than 100 students every day). It saddens me to see that class sizes are growing out of control and that I cannot devote much time to each and every student. I am so worn out wondering where and if I will be working next year. It is becoming increasingly difficult to maintain a positive attitude about myself and my profession.
I became a teacher not for recognition, but because I loved kids and wanted to make a difference in their lives. This is one of the only professions where I have the unique opportunity to make a difference each and every day. That is not to say that I wouldn’t like nice pat on the back now and then.
Don Quimby reminds us to “keep on keeping on” over at Teachers.net in saying that “Teaching is a special calling. Teaching is a mission. Will teachers ever reach the point where they will be properly rewarded in their efforts to make a difference? I don't think so, but…so what? People don't become teachers because they know they will make a lot of money and live the lifestyle of the rich and famous. What matters most is that teachers have an opportunity to touch lives in ways that can make a difference in the futures of thousands of people.”
All in all I feel that a simple thank you would go a long way toward making the educational atmosphere a more tolerable place to be. If you happen to be my administrator, monitoring my key strokes well then check out ways to make teachers happy and perhaps realize that our time is valuable and so are we. Like a fellow blogger comments over at “I want to Teach Forever” : “Most importantly, our time must be respected. This statement has many meanings:
• give us as much uninterrupted instructional time as possible
• don't waste our time with pointless faculty meetings (meetings are for things that require discussion and debate, not for things that could be written in an email or paper memo)
• don't bury us in redundant paperwork
• let us have actual lesson planning time during planning periods
• before you schedule something on weekends, before and after school, or during breaks, discuss it with us first!”
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
As I said in my previous post..... there is a turtle who lives in the corner of the classroom I am currently teaching in. For the purpose of this entry we will from here on refer to him as "my" turtle.
When I entered the room today I was greeted by the muffled sounds of thrashing and banging. Further inspection revealed my turtle was creating mini thunder clouds of rage by banging his head against the glass and spashing his hateful water about.
When I entered the room today I was greeted by the muffled sounds of thrashing and banging. Further inspection revealed my turtle was creating mini thunder clouds of rage by banging his head against the glass and spashing his hateful water about.
From the basis of my understanding of general teenage angsty behavior. I can only assume this is a cry for help.
Perhaps he can somehow sense my overwhelming desire to have him die.....
Turtle Soup and other uses for useless things.
Number one: my name is not Miss Lewis. No matter how many times the administration at the high school tries to tell me that it is. I just refuse to believe it. I’m pretty sure of my decent….I have pretty distinctive ears, like many members of my father’s family. I’m fairly certain I know my own name, even if I am sure of nothing else in this life.
Secondly, after very little sleep yesterday I find myself spiraling downward into a spinning vortex of hatred of all things animate or not that pick a fight (ie. Does nothing) with me.
The tiny, adorable, turtle in the corner of the classroom has found himself begging for his life as the trickle of water from his filter makes me want to pee my pants and I hate that. It is of course not the turtle’s fault, but obviously stems from the fact that there are students in my classroom ALL. DAY. LONG. With no breaks. My feeble attempt to control the chaos ended in mass mutiny in my 12th grade class. Despite all that, it is easier to take it out on the turtle than the students, he’s smaller and his body more easily flushes down the toilet.
Lastly I must go to the bank. Like if I don’t they will foreclose on my home…and steal my dog. Well, I’m not positive about the home part but Im quite certain about the dog. Shes pretty darn great. But the idea of trudging down town, finding a freaking parking space in the snowy street and standing in line with my Ziploc baggie of nickels and pennies makes me feel like gouging out my eyes. If only there was a way to direct deposit tips from the bar.
~~Ms. Lewis is running to the bank to deposit her turtle. ~~
Secondly, after very little sleep yesterday I find myself spiraling downward into a spinning vortex of hatred of all things animate or not that pick a fight (ie. Does nothing) with me.
The tiny, adorable, turtle in the corner of the classroom has found himself begging for his life as the trickle of water from his filter makes me want to pee my pants and I hate that. It is of course not the turtle’s fault, but obviously stems from the fact that there are students in my classroom ALL. DAY. LONG. With no breaks. My feeble attempt to control the chaos ended in mass mutiny in my 12th grade class. Despite all that, it is easier to take it out on the turtle than the students, he’s smaller and his body more easily flushes down the toilet.
Lastly I must go to the bank. Like if I don’t they will foreclose on my home…and steal my dog. Well, I’m not positive about the home part but Im quite certain about the dog. Shes pretty darn great. But the idea of trudging down town, finding a freaking parking space in the snowy street and standing in line with my Ziploc baggie of nickels and pennies makes me feel like gouging out my eyes. If only there was a way to direct deposit tips from the bar.
~~Ms. Lewis is running to the bank to deposit her turtle. ~~
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Please note:
I am in fact not an alcoholic. I am not in a pit of despair. I do not hate everything about my life. And I do still have hope occasionally for a bright, happy, productive future. Some where in the very distant future that is.
I was just informed that I should maybe clarify these things. I was actually told "Molly, you shouldn't write stuff like that". Which is wrong. I should write it if I feel like it..... but maybe I am a bit melodramatic at times.
I promise that I will let you all know when and if I am actually feeling suicidal. Although I think that there is a greater likelihood that it will be homicidal feelings, we'll wait it out and see.
I was just informed that I should maybe clarify these things. I was actually told "Molly, you shouldn't write stuff like that". Which is wrong. I should write it if I feel like it..... but maybe I am a bit melodramatic at times.
I promise that I will let you all know when and if I am actually feeling suicidal. Although I think that there is a greater likelihood that it will be homicidal feelings, we'll wait it out and see.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
When all else fails....drink.
Unemployment sucks. Ok ok, so I am working. At a dive bar, in a shit town. I make enough dough to buy groceries and to keep my small family in socks and chew toys. Or apparently now, socks as chew toys. (Our new puppy Sadie seems to fancy socks). We are behind in our bills. Scary behind. I have no idea how we will ever catch up. I try to juggle them as best I can, but there just seems to be no hope. I panic, as I am prone to do on occasion, and today I had a meltdown and cried like a small, emotionally disturbed child for a very long time. It is 2:00 in the afternoon and I just poured myself a stiff martini as I sit ALONE in the house with the dogs. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right?
There does not seem to be a light at the end of this tunnel. At least there is more tunnel. It hasn't caved in, and doesn't seem like a tunnel to no where at this point..... just more tunnel. See: I am trying not to be hugely pessimistic and whiny here. But, I am really, really tired of this particular tunnel.
I have had 4 interviews this month. All of which turned out immensely disappointing. It seems that I just simply cannot catch a break. I know I am not alone in this. I still know that I should be counting my blessings: food, warmth, family, love, no children to support, etc etc etc.... I know this. But there comes a time when the silver lining to this cloud just seems like crinkled tin-foil and I am so tired of being cheery and hopeful for everyone else's benefit.
I walk every day. Just to get my lazy, pathetic butt out of the house. And of course it helps to make the puppy tired enough to nap in the afternoon. Plus, I am still training to walk 60 miles for breast cancer. Its good to have a goal.
This is hard. Being a grown up is hard. Waking up each day is hard. How come no one bothered to warn me?
On a brighter note, look: puppy.
There does not seem to be a light at the end of this tunnel. At least there is more tunnel. It hasn't caved in, and doesn't seem like a tunnel to no where at this point..... just more tunnel. See: I am trying not to be hugely pessimistic and whiny here. But, I am really, really tired of this particular tunnel.
I have had 4 interviews this month. All of which turned out immensely disappointing. It seems that I just simply cannot catch a break. I know I am not alone in this. I still know that I should be counting my blessings: food, warmth, family, love, no children to support, etc etc etc.... I know this. But there comes a time when the silver lining to this cloud just seems like crinkled tin-foil and I am so tired of being cheery and hopeful for everyone else's benefit.
I walk every day. Just to get my lazy, pathetic butt out of the house. And of course it helps to make the puppy tired enough to nap in the afternoon. Plus, I am still training to walk 60 miles for breast cancer. Its good to have a goal.
This is hard. Being a grown up is hard. Waking up each day is hard. How come no one bothered to warn me?
On a brighter note, look: puppy.
Friday, September 17, 2010
I work on Sundays at a little bar in Rochester. Its a dive bar, its dark, its run by assholes, and it smells a little funky. However, it has fabulous regulars who tip well, it has great wings, and plenty of TVs to watch any game you'd like. My shift is just sunday during the day, right during football. I rarely walk away from a 7 hour shift with less than 200 bucks in my pocket. I'm a good bartender, I'll remember your name and your drink and fill your empty cup in a timely manner. None of the regulars have ever complained about me. **note that regulars everywhere like to complain. I like my job, I enjoy the bar, I like my co-workers.... but I don't live and die for it.
I got fired today.
My boss called to ask me if I would be working this sunday. The answer was no. I got the shift covered by a co-worker so that I could relax with friends from college. Her words exactly: "If you don't come in, consider yourself no longer employed." HUH? Am I doing something wrong? "No. But you only work one day a week and you have missed 2 of the last 4 weeks." What? I didn't work on Labor Day because someone called to ask if they could work my shift. They wanted hours, they needed money. I let them work it. "Doesn't matter. Are you coming in on Sunday?" No. I got the shift covered already. "Ok then. It was nice to know you." CLICK.
I have never been fired. Layed off, yes. Seasonal employment over, yes. Business closed, yes. But never ever fired. I am a hard worker. I am a good bartender.
I didn't get a chance to explain. She just hung up on me. I was stunned. And pissed. And when I'm pissed I cry. So I couldn't even call her back because I have been a blubbering idiot for the last two hours.
How come nothing can possibly go right for me this year? I don't believe in Karma, and I certainly have never done anything so awful as to deserve this.
I cannot wait to see my friends this weekend, I need them....and a large glass of wine.
I got fired today.
My boss called to ask me if I would be working this sunday. The answer was no. I got the shift covered by a co-worker so that I could relax with friends from college. Her words exactly: "If you don't come in, consider yourself no longer employed." HUH? Am I doing something wrong? "No. But you only work one day a week and you have missed 2 of the last 4 weeks." What? I didn't work on Labor Day because someone called to ask if they could work my shift. They wanted hours, they needed money. I let them work it. "Doesn't matter. Are you coming in on Sunday?" No. I got the shift covered already. "Ok then. It was nice to know you." CLICK.
I have never been fired. Layed off, yes. Seasonal employment over, yes. Business closed, yes. But never ever fired. I am a hard worker. I am a good bartender.
I didn't get a chance to explain. She just hung up on me. I was stunned. And pissed. And when I'm pissed I cry. So I couldn't even call her back because I have been a blubbering idiot for the last two hours.
How come nothing can possibly go right for me this year? I don't believe in Karma, and I certainly have never done anything so awful as to deserve this.
I cannot wait to see my friends this weekend, I need them....and a large glass of wine.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
60 Miles or Bust
A few weeks ago I took a look at my life and I hated what I saw. I was moping. I was brooding. I was bitter. I was fighting with my loved ones for no reason. Sleeping in until 1 or 2pm just because, staying up late and feeling bad about it. I was working at a job that I despised, ie. If I were going to hell I would be LANDSCAPING for all eternity. I was not doing anything that I could be proud of or feel good about. I couldn't sleep at night, I was getting massive migraine style headaches, I had gained 15 pounds. I was feeling lonely, lazy and unfulfilled.
I signed up for the Susan G. Komen 3-day for the Cure.
Although when I think about myself walking 60 miles I can't help but notice how improbable that is. I am a wimp. I whine alot. I hate being tired. I hate being cold. I despise being wet. The farthest I walk on a regular basis is from my couch to the fridge. SIXTY MILES IS A LONG LONG WAY. I reset the meter in my car, and drove around for a few days. I was stunned by how long it took me to actually drive 60 miles. I hadn't thought about how far that actually is.
I am excited to have a purpose. For the remainder of this year and next I have a goal. I am making a difference and I am not just changing my life, I'm changing the lives of lots and lots of people. This is kinda a big deal.
I am blessed to have my mom along for the journey. I have someone with a common goal! I'm thankful for the support of my family and friends as well as I train my body to cooperate with my goals. I appreciate all the help too as I struggle to raise the required $2300.
If my friends could each spare just $7 I will reach my goal. I know times are tough, but life is tough. Things never go as planned, but one good turn deserves another. Please help me in earning the money I need to participate, and find your own blessings in helping in return.
Click here to DONATE. All donations are tax deductible and guaranteed to make you feel good.
I signed up for the Susan G. Komen 3-day for the Cure.
Although when I think about myself walking 60 miles I can't help but notice how improbable that is. I am a wimp. I whine alot. I hate being tired. I hate being cold. I despise being wet. The farthest I walk on a regular basis is from my couch to the fridge. SIXTY MILES IS A LONG LONG WAY. I reset the meter in my car, and drove around for a few days. I was stunned by how long it took me to actually drive 60 miles. I hadn't thought about how far that actually is.
I am excited to have a purpose. For the remainder of this year and next I have a goal. I am making a difference and I am not just changing my life, I'm changing the lives of lots and lots of people. This is kinda a big deal.
I am blessed to have my mom along for the journey. I have someone with a common goal! I'm thankful for the support of my family and friends as well as I train my body to cooperate with my goals. I appreciate all the help too as I struggle to raise the required $2300.
If my friends could each spare just $7 I will reach my goal. I know times are tough, but life is tough. Things never go as planned, but one good turn deserves another. Please help me in earning the money I need to participate, and find your own blessings in helping in return.
Click here to DONATE. All donations are tax deductible and guaranteed to make you feel good.
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