Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Loss of Confidence

I'm struggling. I am a tired, tired first year teacher. When I leave school at the end of the day I'm spent. I realize that I have to adjust my rear-view mirror in the afternoons because I just cannot sit up as tall as I was in the morning. I fail...miserably. I cannot get the attention of my students when I want to. I can't possibly summon the energy to teach another period 11 chaos class. My students will not love poetry like I love poetry. I cannot make kids enjoy reading......I am not the super teacher I want to be.

But I can still try. And when a single student, at the end of a random Monday afternoon, comes to me and says: "Miss Willis I really liked that poem we read...and can you come to my soccer game tomorrow?" I know that I make a difference in the life of a child and to me I have already reached success.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I am having....

...a really crummy day. My students are pushing my buttons, I have written my first referral of the year which is only my 6th one to date in my career, I assigned 2 after school detentions and 2 lunch detentions today, which means I have to stay after with the monsters. And my head hurts.

I know I sound whiny but I pride myself in being able to manage my classroom effectively without help from adminstration and I feel like I am failing, myself and the kids.

I'm tired and looking forward to school being over for the day.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Things that really

...bummed me out today:

A-the kid in the cafeteria during the 8th grade lunch that I supervise. Who has a beard and appears to be 30, and sits by himself every day.
B- overhearing the girls in the cafeteria talking about another little girl: "She wears that same sweatshirt every day, no wonder she has no friends. What a dirty skank...."
C- Offering my students time to do some silent reading in class, because reading makes us better readers, only to have a student in the back who would prefer to balance his pencil on his nose than actually read something. (I even handed him a magazine article about swimsuit models).
D- not having the proper materials (or money to get them) to offer my students the array of learning experience I want to be able to give them....and watching my students that are 6+ feet tall squeeze themselves into little, tiny desks, when they should be able to have tables and bean bag chairs and places to comfortably read from.

A-the new student teacher plopped herself down with the lonely kid at lunch, bought him an apple and had a long discussion about why he sits alone, (he's actually in 9th grade and doesnt know the 8th graders) and how he wants to be a published poet.
B- another girl at the table said to her friend...."Maybe she can't afford another sweatshirt Emily! And btw you wore that same hoodie on Wednesday." and proceeded to get up and go sit with other people.
C- I looked around the room and saw 23 other little heads bowed over their respective novels. Some of them even smiling as they read tales from a bunch of differernt authors in generes that interested them.

and D- I'm still struggling with this one and get frustrated....where does the money for education go? But its payday today.....and I need colored pencils.