Unemployment sucks. Ok ok, so I am working. At a dive bar, in a shit town. I make enough dough to buy groceries and to keep my small family in socks and chew toys. Or apparently now, socks as chew toys. (Our new puppy Sadie seems to fancy socks). We are behind in our bills. Scary behind. I have no idea how we will ever catch up. I try to juggle them as best I can, but there just seems to be no hope. I panic, as I am prone to do on occasion, and today I had a meltdown and cried like a small, emotionally disturbed child for a very long time. It is 2:00 in the afternoon and I just poured myself a stiff martini as I sit ALONE in the house with the dogs. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right?
There does not seem to be a light at the end of this tunnel. At least there is more tunnel. It hasn't caved in, and doesn't seem like a tunnel to no where at this point..... just more tunnel. See: I am trying not to be hugely pessimistic and whiny here. But, I am really, really tired of this particular tunnel.
I have had 4 interviews this month. All of which turned out immensely disappointing. It seems that I just simply cannot catch a break. I know I am not alone in this. I still know that I should be counting my blessings: food, warmth, family, love, no children to support, etc etc etc.... I know this. But there comes a time when the silver lining to this cloud just seems like crinkled tin-foil and I am so tired of being cheery and hopeful for everyone else's benefit.
I walk every day. Just to get my lazy, pathetic butt out of the house. And of course it helps to make the puppy tired enough to nap in the afternoon. Plus, I am still training to walk 60 miles for breast cancer. Its good to have a goal.
This is hard. Being a grown up is hard. Waking up each day is hard. How come no one bothered to warn me?
On a brighter note, look: puppy.