ok....

...I am beat. I am working, 2, maybe 3 nights a week. Making barely enough money to pay my many bills (aka: I just started paying back my student loans).... I am driving back and forth between my house and "home" because both are undergoing major overhauls a la HGTV. At my house the cabinets are up and counters are on and everything looks beautiful and wonderful. At home we are putting a chair rail around the bedroom and painting with a pretty faux technique and three colors of paint. (and lots of Aunt Dort's help.) And then.....our "new" living room now has removable walls which need to be painted and the moulding needs to be replaced and......oh yeah I have been filling out application after application in hopes of finding a subbing job, but no one will hire me until my recommendation letters are in so I am waiting on the teachers to get their butts in gear and mail them to the school.... in the midst of all this I feel torn between home and home....I cannot be in enough places at once, I hate the idea of renting my pretty little house to someone who won't take care of it, and at the same time I don't want to not be with the people I love. I can only stretch in so many directions at once.

But....I know that things will slowly fall into place, its been a seven year roller coaster. It just been such a long tedious process of moving and school and breaking up and making up...and wondering what we want and need and more importantly learning the difference between the two. Its so ironic that when it finally comes time to have what it is that we always thought we wanted, it still seems so out of reach.