I have to get started...

I dug this out of a journal I had in college.
Things I want to do before I go…. I've gotten to the BOLD items....but I have alot still to get to.

Drive across the country ~ Do a Breast Cancer Walk ~ Try Escargot ~ Make a peaceful home for my family ~ Own a Horse ~ Step foot on each of the seven continents ~ Step foot in each of the 50 States ~ Perfect a chocolate chip cookie recipe ~ Go dog sledding ~ Drink at an Irish Pub, in Ireland ~ Mentor someone ~ Learn to bartend ~ Have a professional family portrait taken ~ Learn to crochet ~ Christen a boat ~ Have a front porch swing ~ Learn to write grants ~ Finish a quilt ~ Write thank you notes to my teachers ~ Have a career I love ~ Create habits in my family of being loving and exhibiting loving gestures ~ Flirt, be unashamed ~ Plant a garden, actually take care of it ~ Play tennis ~ Tithe ~ Begin a tradition of celebrating the mundane: champagne on the 3rd of every month perhaps? ~ Learn to make jelly ~ Go clamming ~ Take a canoe trip ~ Stand on the Great Wall of China ~ See a wild kangaroo ~ Help someone get into college ~ French bread and coffee in a café in FRANCE ~ Kiss someone under the shadow of Big Ben ~ Scuba Dive ~ Exercise regularly ~ Zip line through the jungle ~ See the Mayan ruins ~ Plant flowers for a stranger ~ Cook Thanksgiving dinner ~ Finish some of my unfinished projects ~ Return to scrapbooking ~ Make a difference ~ Become a foster parent ~ Love myself ~ Train a puppy ~ Build a house ~ Take up painting ~ Be conversational in at least one other language ~ Write a book ~ Swim with dolphins ~ Make a million dollars ~ Go white water rafting ~ Walk on stilts ~Build a tree house ~ Be an extra in a major film ~ Live in a major city ~ Learn how to accept a compliment ~ Ride a camel in the desert ~ Be my own boss ~ Learn how to Waltz ~ Own something Prada ~Teach someone to read ~ Visit Walden Pond ~ Visit Canterbury Cathedral ~ Rio: Carnival ~ Spend a Christmas on the Beach away from the chaos of the holidays ~ Take a hot air balloon ride ~ Appreciate my life ~ Kiss the Blarney stone ~ Fall in love ~ Fall out of love…appreciate the difference ~ See the Mona Lisa’s smile ~ Learn to play the banjo ~ Be in awe of Stonehenge ~ Appreciate Emily Bronte ~ Ride a pogo stick ~ Get my PhD ~ Join the Peace Corps ~ Donate blood ~ Vacation at Martha’s Vineyard ~ Sleep in a castle ~ Go skinny dipping ~ Help build a habitat for humanity house ~ Get a Labrador ~ USE my savings account ~ Have floor to ceiling library shelves ~ Get married ~ Ask a stranger to dinner ~ Have a full pantry ~Raise a child ~ Stop worrying ~ Swim in the worlds largest swimming pool (Chile) ~ Go deep sea fishing ~ Become debt free ~ Take surfing lessons ~ Be in a horse show ~ Adopt a kitten ~ Have one of those great recipes that people ask for ~ Count my blessings ~Write a letter to the editor, about something I’m passionate about ~ Take more pictures ~ Be inspired ~ Pray daily ~ Become a “regular” in some little bar or café ~ Refinish a piece of furniture ~ Learn how to rope cattle ~ Be proud of myself ~ Hike a mountain, camp there, hike down ~ Read all of the books on my “to read” list ~ Teach a college course ~ Find a church I love ~ Find a church I love close to home ~ Learn how to change a tire ~ See Venice ~ Stop putting things off ~ Be joyful~ Make a difference ~ Write a letter to everyone I love ~ Hang more pictures in my home ~ Create a killer website ~ Be a fabulous teacher ~

And the torture begins....

...we have two days of school this week. When the rest of the world has the whole week off for break, our school is certain to continue to mold young minds by forcing them into the building. Now 60% of the student population did not come to school today, because why would they when the rest of the world has the whole week off for break? The other 40% is completely batshit crazy thinking about the rest of the world that has the whole week off for break...

...which leads me to contimplate jumping out my own window. It's my first year in the classroom and I do not have all the answers. If fact, I have very few of them. So why did they give me the class load that I have? Why in god's name did they give me the most troubled, difficult students? Why are all the impossible kids in the classroom of the least prepared and least experienced teacher in the department? Why does my mentor not mentor? Why didn't they even toss me the tiniest life preserver? "Sink or swim sweetheart, you're on your own...oh and by the way, there will be multiple lay-offs this year. Best of luck."

sNOw

Yesterday morning I looked out my window and couldn't see my car in the driveway. I sat watching the big, fluffy flakes falling serenely to the ground, blanketing everything in a soft, white blanket. The plows hadn't been through, and a few lone cars were slowly making their way down our road. I sat and sipped my coffee peacefully, enjoying the long moments of silence that awaited me. I would bake today, and make delicious warm homemade soup, maybe even finish reading that novel on my night stand. The snow was coming down intensly when I flicked on the TV to check the weather and the school closings, just to be sure.

WHAT!?

Is a snow day really that much to ask for? Isn't our safety important? School is OPEN?!?

I rushed to get dressed, tossed on boots, and trudged to work. It was treacherous.

School carries on, just as it is intended to.
Thank you Mr. Super, for keeping education rolling.

Good Start

I officially had a wonderful weekend. My family is fantastic and they all crammed into the house for dinner. Pictures later.

2nd semester begins today and I not only had great lessons in 4 out of 5 classes today, I also graded all work that my kids handed me today and put it in the computer!

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of the day I started dating the love of my life....

Today I was able to complete my taxes.

Today was a good day.

Controlled Chaos

I find myself giving my students meaningless assignments just to keep them under control. I hate that. I feel like I am being a terrible teacher, and that I am failing them.

Today I assigned an in class DBQ. Its about the civil rights movement, the KKK, the treatment of African Americans in the United States...it ties in to the novel we are reading (To Kill a Mockingbird)in theory it sounds great. In reality though it was simply to give them something to do so that I can grade papers.

Are all my students going to be unprepared to go off to college?

Do I suck?

January Sucks

Last year while teaching I got to miss January. I did a long term placement from September to December. Then I started another long term placement the second week in Feb. that lasted until the end of the school year. I now realize that I was really, really lucky..... because January and school: together, they blow.

That is all.

Schoooooool supplies

So the head of my department told us that we have between $30 and $40 to spend, per teacher in the department, on next year's supplies. I have so many things I want and so many things I truly need that thirty-dollars sounds the same as if he had said zero-dollars.

For instance, I do some mini lessons on listening and note-taking. As the NYS regents has a listening requirement. I would love to have a class set of highlighters for these activities. Nothing special or extravagant, (although a class set of mini white boards would be great too)yet for a 24-pack of highlighters that will cost me $13.99---practically half of my budget.

I really wanted the chart paper that post-it makes, that is already sticky on one side so you can pull it off and slap it on any available wall....but those pads are TWENTY-FOUR dollars.

How can I be creative and interesting if I have to teach with nothing? I am not that good.

I want my kids to be able to create diaramas, and posters. I want to be able to take pictures of them, and develop the film. I want to be able to let them read great, contemporary literature. We have no money for books.

3 packages of construction paper, one package of 5x7 index cards, and the highlighters consume my entire budget. Anything else I want I will have to buy myself.

This isn't fair. Where does all the money for the school district go?

This year, its going into the building of a new lounge for the seniors. Something is not right.

Remember when...

I can clearly remember our first kiss. I was dating Mr. Wrong who had told me he loved me after only dating for 3 weeks and when I didn't reply with "I love you too" he had pushed me backwards over my mom's coffee table. I had crashed to the ground, breaking a picture frame and smashed my arm on the rocking chair. Mr. Wrong had yanked me to my feet, apologized profusely, and gripped my shoulders so hard I couldn't stop crying even if I had tried. He apologized with rubies and diamonds. He scared the crap out of me. I was 16. What was love anyway? I didn't have to tell you the story, you saw the bruises on my arms. I'd never seen you mad before that. You and I had only known each other a month even if we had moved in the same circles our whole lives.

You drove me home from work in your red jeep with the broken heat and it snowed so hard that night. The kind of big, fluffy flakes that make you dizzy when you drive. I was nervous that you wouldn't make it back to your home safe. I was nervous anyway, being alone with you for the first time. I almost made an excuse to not have you drive me, but I had no other way home.

For a while I thought I might throw-up and my hands were shaking so hard I had to sit on them while you drove, you thought I was cold and kept apologizing for the lack of heat. You even tossed your jacket over my lap. My throat was dry and my lips were chapped and we were listening to Shaggy's stupid "Angel" song on the radio. I caught you singing along. Twice.

It took us nearly 30 minutes to drive the 10 miles to my house because of the snow. It took 30 minutes longer on my momma's front porch to say good night.

You were a jock, and popular. I was a nerd, and part of the drama club. I had just started wearing make up, you had friends who looked like Barbie. My first relationship was just getting started. (As I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16.) You had just broken up with your amazing girlfriend who was IN COLLEGE. You had the bluest eyes I had ever seen.

You finally reached down to kiss me and my heart stopped beating. It was slow and gentle and chick-flick-perfect. I melted into you. I didn't stop smiling for hours. I couldn't sleep. I was one cliche after another.

That was January 22nd. Ten years ago. I can't believe its been so long, it feels like yesterday. I love you.

Mighty big lice....

There are curtains in my classroom. The same curtains that someone tried to light on fire a few weeks ago. They're cream and blue and smell like must, mothballs, and pickles (!?). They're probably 50 years old, and if you move them from one part of the track to the other the whole room smells for days. I had to move them yesterday to block out the light so that my kids could clearly see the TV. The principal was giving a "State of the School" address via our linked TV broadcasting system.

The address was, if nothing else, midly entertaining. Our fearless leader spoke about sacrifice to the kids, as in sacrifice 30 minutes of TV time and devote that to homework. I got the gist, they did not. In fact, he spoke in such a way that kids related him to The Godfather. They wonderer aloud if he meant "sacrifice your little sister", "sacrifice what? a goat?" or if they were truly going to find five guys in suits with tommy-guns on their front porch later. It was intimidating while it was meant to be movitational and although I know he had good intentions, most kids though it was either laughable or scary. And it took the entirity of homeroom, a time meant to allow them to socialize and catch up on last minute homework. They were not pleased.

My main problem though, is the curtains. In moving them for the address yesterday I now have a wretched stench in my room that will not go away with any amount of relentless fabreezing.

My already pathetic looking classroom now smells like an old lady's attic, and does not make for the best learning environment. On top of all that, there are stink bugs seeking refuge from the snow on my window sills. I didn't know they were there (thus they did not bother me)prior to moving the curtains. Now that I know they exist I can't help but thinking that at anymoment I might find one flying into my hair. Nothing creeps me out more than giant bugs in my hair.



On an up note, I put a visitor counter in the corner of my blog the other day, and its already had almost 90 hits. That makes me feel like I might even have a few people that read about my daily trials and tribulations. You know, ya'll should comment so that I don't think you're all creepy stalkers.

That is all. Watch your backs, those stink bugs are sneaky.

Today....is a failure

kid: Miss W? Have you ever seen The Hangover?
me: yes.
kid: What?!?!
other kid: Holy Shit, Miss W is a real person!

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kid: Why do we have to read this stupid book?
(it's To Kill A Mockingbird)
me: because it will inevitably come up in conversation over coffee someday and you will sound smart
kid: I don't like coffee.

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kid: I didn't do my homework because it was stupid
me: um.... ok?
kid: Does it matter?
me: if you'd like to pass
kid: oh
other kid: what if i don't care?
me: then you fail at life
other kid: oh
third kid: what if I did half of it?
me: really? Did anyone do their homework?
entire class of 25 kids: **silence**

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Next Period:

kid: Miss W, you look beautiful today.
me: Thanks.
kid: Are you dieting?
me: no.
kid: Miss W, can I ask you a serious question?
me: ......
kid: if I complement you daily does that mean you won't mind that I didnt do my work?
me: really? Did anyone do their homework?
entire class of 25 kids: **silence**
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I don't know how to teach them if they refuse to help themselves.


Well, I do like coffee and I need a refill......