Pink Slips and other things that suck...

I work hard. I do not have a cushy job like so many of you believe. I do not have weekends and summers “off”, I do not get to work only 9-5. I am good at what I do. I work hard for every penny that I make, and of those pennies I pay back my loans for my bachelors degree, I pay back my loans for my masters degree, I buy pens and paper and books for those that cannot afford it, I buy colored pencils and notebooks so that they can express themselves, I buy lunches for those that forgot, I spend money to further educate myself, I hand pennies over in support of extra curricular activities… I stay up late working and I get up earlier than I have to so that I can be to work early for them. I create, I engage, I write, I plan, I learn…I teach.

I honestly thought it would be pink. It’s not, in fact, a pink slip at all. It’s a plain, white, piece of paper with the same letterhead that only a few months ago boasted a huge, bold faced “Congratulations!” at the top. The same letterhead that told me at the end of the last marking period that more of my students were passing than the marking period before and that I was indeed doing a great job. I don’t even get the original. Just a photocopy, signed by the guy in charge, but delivered by my principal. I realize that he is probably having just as bad a day as I am, but that doesn’t make me any less bitter. At least I have been laid-off and not fired; it’s like an honorable discharge and not a “hey- you-suck-at-what-you-do-ge
t-the-hell-out” notice. But it bites just the same.

I’m trying not to be a pessimist. I’m trying not to hate everything about my life. I’m not seriously considering launching myself out my second story window. (besides that would only hurt a whole hell of a lot and not end the whole game) I’m trying to remember the reasons why I do this in the first place, but it’s hard to do in a society that seems to be falling down around me. I have expectations in my classroom that my students treat each other with respect. I insist that they make choices and stick to the consequences that come from those choices. I instill upon them the value that they act like people that care about the well being of others. I’m sad that I am teaching them the rules and guidelines for life in a society that clearly does not exist. There was such a lack of respect in that little office as they told me that my position was being cut, it left me wondering how I can hope to teach my students respect when there are no clear examples from their superiors.

When it gets to a point like this it’s easy to fall back, to fall down, to just fall… and to question everything. Mostly though I find myself asking “why bother?” over and over. Why do I keep trying? Why don’t I use all my sick time, and pop in a video for my students? It’s then I remember the 110 faces awaiting me tomorrow, and I know that apathy won’t cut it. If I don’t care then they don’t care, and we’ve worked all year to boost their responsibility for their own education.

There is something that many people don’t think about. There is a face behind these layoffs. That face is me. I am not a number, I am not a price tag, and I am not a budget cut. I am a teacher and I make a difference in the life of a child. What really gets my goat is that my school district is running an initiative that puts priority on literacy. On what planet does fewer teachers (especially English) and more kids in a classroom equal a positive learning opportunity?

So tomorrow Mr. Bossman, when you’re busy looking in the mirror for 122 minutes and 32 seconds, I’ll be reorganizing my lessons for the day, considering closing activities for my students, stressing about the student who told me she was experimenting with drugs, and thinking of ways to help the kid who just bombed my exam. When you stand there adjusting your tie and looking in the mirror, I’ll be busy adjusting my resume, making copies, and talking to the teenager who just broke up with her boyfriend... And please make sure you can look yourself in the eye and reflect, because I know when I see you in the hall you won’t be making eye contact with me.

Besides, I don’t do this for you anyway. I don’t do it for the pay check, or the experience, or because I needed something on my resume. I do it for them, and I’ll continue to do it until June. Even if you think you don’t need me, and the school doesn’t need me, and the community doesn’t need me…. They need me and that’s why I do what I do.

Talk about sweet revenge...

...remember that teacher back in high school that you--could. not. stand.
I do. Imagine how gratifying it would have been to wake up one morning and hear on the news that every single one of your crummy teachers was FIRED. Gratifying at 15, yes. Insanely ridiculous and a horrible solution to a problem, yes. I can't even begin to get my brain around the crap in the news the past few weeks about teachers sucking. I for one, do not suck. Neither do my fabulous colleagues, and if I'm being honest, neither did my teachers in high school. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the massive lay-offs in my local area, the possibility that I may lose my job, and the media that is slandering the profession of teaching nation wide. With more sleep and less papers to grade I may have something more profound to say on this topic.... I'll try again later this week. Until then, I couldn't put it better than Bill Maher does here.

Ugh

I have back to back classes, that is 42 mins each, with a 4 minute break in between. I have had to pee for 80 minutes, I have 8 minutes left before I can be free to pee.

This is terrible. If I move I may explode. How embarassing would that be for everyone?

I have to get started...

I dug this out of a journal I had in college.
Things I want to do before I go…. I've gotten to the BOLD items....but I have alot still to get to.

Drive across the country ~ Do a Breast Cancer Walk ~ Try Escargot ~ Make a peaceful home for my family ~ Own a Horse ~ Step foot on each of the seven continents ~ Step foot in each of the 50 States ~ Perfect a chocolate chip cookie recipe ~ Go dog sledding ~ Drink at an Irish Pub, in Ireland ~ Mentor someone ~ Learn to bartend ~ Have a professional family portrait taken ~ Learn to crochet ~ Christen a boat ~ Have a front porch swing ~ Learn to write grants ~ Finish a quilt ~ Write thank you notes to my teachers ~ Have a career I love ~ Create habits in my family of being loving and exhibiting loving gestures ~ Flirt, be unashamed ~ Plant a garden, actually take care of it ~ Play tennis ~ Tithe ~ Begin a tradition of celebrating the mundane: champagne on the 3rd of every month perhaps? ~ Learn to make jelly ~ Go clamming ~ Take a canoe trip ~ Stand on the Great Wall of China ~ See a wild kangaroo ~ Help someone get into college ~ French bread and coffee in a café in FRANCE ~ Kiss someone under the shadow of Big Ben ~ Scuba Dive ~ Exercise regularly ~ Zip line through the jungle ~ See the Mayan ruins ~ Plant flowers for a stranger ~ Cook Thanksgiving dinner ~ Finish some of my unfinished projects ~ Return to scrapbooking ~ Make a difference ~ Become a foster parent ~ Love myself ~ Train a puppy ~ Build a house ~ Take up painting ~ Be conversational in at least one other language ~ Write a book ~ Swim with dolphins ~ Make a million dollars ~ Go white water rafting ~ Walk on stilts ~Build a tree house ~ Be an extra in a major film ~ Live in a major city ~ Learn how to accept a compliment ~ Ride a camel in the desert ~ Be my own boss ~ Learn how to Waltz ~ Own something Prada ~Teach someone to read ~ Visit Walden Pond ~ Visit Canterbury Cathedral ~ Rio: Carnival ~ Spend a Christmas on the Beach away from the chaos of the holidays ~ Take a hot air balloon ride ~ Appreciate my life ~ Kiss the Blarney stone ~ Fall in love ~ Fall out of love…appreciate the difference ~ See the Mona Lisa’s smile ~ Learn to play the banjo ~ Be in awe of Stonehenge ~ Appreciate Emily Bronte ~ Ride a pogo stick ~ Get my PhD ~ Join the Peace Corps ~ Donate blood ~ Vacation at Martha’s Vineyard ~ Sleep in a castle ~ Go skinny dipping ~ Help build a habitat for humanity house ~ Get a Labrador ~ USE my savings account ~ Have floor to ceiling library shelves ~ Get married ~ Ask a stranger to dinner ~ Have a full pantry ~Raise a child ~ Stop worrying ~ Swim in the worlds largest swimming pool (Chile) ~ Go deep sea fishing ~ Become debt free ~ Take surfing lessons ~ Be in a horse show ~ Adopt a kitten ~ Have one of those great recipes that people ask for ~ Count my blessings ~Write a letter to the editor, about something I’m passionate about ~ Take more pictures ~ Be inspired ~ Pray daily ~ Become a “regular” in some little bar or café ~ Refinish a piece of furniture ~ Learn how to rope cattle ~ Be proud of myself ~ Hike a mountain, camp there, hike down ~ Read all of the books on my “to read” list ~ Teach a college course ~ Find a church I love ~ Find a church I love close to home ~ Learn how to change a tire ~ See Venice ~ Stop putting things off ~ Be joyful~ Make a difference ~ Write a letter to everyone I love ~ Hang more pictures in my home ~ Create a killer website ~ Be a fabulous teacher ~

And the torture begins....

...we have two days of school this week. When the rest of the world has the whole week off for break, our school is certain to continue to mold young minds by forcing them into the building. Now 60% of the student population did not come to school today, because why would they when the rest of the world has the whole week off for break? The other 40% is completely batshit crazy thinking about the rest of the world that has the whole week off for break...

...which leads me to contimplate jumping out my own window. It's my first year in the classroom and I do not have all the answers. If fact, I have very few of them. So why did they give me the class load that I have? Why in god's name did they give me the most troubled, difficult students? Why are all the impossible kids in the classroom of the least prepared and least experienced teacher in the department? Why does my mentor not mentor? Why didn't they even toss me the tiniest life preserver? "Sink or swim sweetheart, you're on your own...oh and by the way, there will be multiple lay-offs this year. Best of luck."

sNOw

Yesterday morning I looked out my window and couldn't see my car in the driveway. I sat watching the big, fluffy flakes falling serenely to the ground, blanketing everything in a soft, white blanket. The plows hadn't been through, and a few lone cars were slowly making their way down our road. I sat and sipped my coffee peacefully, enjoying the long moments of silence that awaited me. I would bake today, and make delicious warm homemade soup, maybe even finish reading that novel on my night stand. The snow was coming down intensly when I flicked on the TV to check the weather and the school closings, just to be sure.

WHAT!?

Is a snow day really that much to ask for? Isn't our safety important? School is OPEN?!?

I rushed to get dressed, tossed on boots, and trudged to work. It was treacherous.

School carries on, just as it is intended to.
Thank you Mr. Super, for keeping education rolling.

Good Start

I officially had a wonderful weekend. My family is fantastic and they all crammed into the house for dinner. Pictures later.

2nd semester begins today and I not only had great lessons in 4 out of 5 classes today, I also graded all work that my kids handed me today and put it in the computer!

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of the day I started dating the love of my life....

Today I was able to complete my taxes.

Today was a good day.

Controlled Chaos

I find myself giving my students meaningless assignments just to keep them under control. I hate that. I feel like I am being a terrible teacher, and that I am failing them.

Today I assigned an in class DBQ. Its about the civil rights movement, the KKK, the treatment of African Americans in the United States...it ties in to the novel we are reading (To Kill a Mockingbird)in theory it sounds great. In reality though it was simply to give them something to do so that I can grade papers.

Are all my students going to be unprepared to go off to college?

Do I suck?

January Sucks

Last year while teaching I got to miss January. I did a long term placement from September to December. Then I started another long term placement the second week in Feb. that lasted until the end of the school year. I now realize that I was really, really lucky..... because January and school: together, they blow.

That is all.

Schoooooool supplies

So the head of my department told us that we have between $30 and $40 to spend, per teacher in the department, on next year's supplies. I have so many things I want and so many things I truly need that thirty-dollars sounds the same as if he had said zero-dollars.

For instance, I do some mini lessons on listening and note-taking. As the NYS regents has a listening requirement. I would love to have a class set of highlighters for these activities. Nothing special or extravagant, (although a class set of mini white boards would be great too)yet for a 24-pack of highlighters that will cost me $13.99---practically half of my budget.

I really wanted the chart paper that post-it makes, that is already sticky on one side so you can pull it off and slap it on any available wall....but those pads are TWENTY-FOUR dollars.

How can I be creative and interesting if I have to teach with nothing? I am not that good.

I want my kids to be able to create diaramas, and posters. I want to be able to take pictures of them, and develop the film. I want to be able to let them read great, contemporary literature. We have no money for books.

3 packages of construction paper, one package of 5x7 index cards, and the highlighters consume my entire budget. Anything else I want I will have to buy myself.

This isn't fair. Where does all the money for the school district go?

This year, its going into the building of a new lounge for the seniors. Something is not right.