I'm here------> X

Im at that part of the day again where I should be hurrying out the door to work so that I don't get stuck behind the school buses and have to sneak in late. My my house is so peaceful and quiet this morning and I can't think of a better way to start my Friday.

Yesterday I was in a crummy mood, hating everything including the sound of the weather guy's voice...... today is so much more peaceful. The wind whips around my house like its trying to get in and sweep us all away, but the way it jingles the wind chimes makes me smile. I can hear my new roommate's dog snoring softly behind her closed door, and I know that later when my roomie goes to work and the two dogs are here alone that Penny will sit outside of Chianti's crate and tease her all afternoon. The coffee is dripping slowly into its pot (and can you think of many things that sound better than that....aside from champagne corks and babies laughing I cannot) and it smells fantastic. I can't wait to fill my travel mug to the brim and sip on it all morning. I have all of my lessons perfectly prepared for today to be a success and I look forward to actually getting to know my students now that I have mastered most of their names.

And most of all..... I just am at peace being here. For the first time since I have been back a sense of "everything is going to be ok" has come over me. No rushing, no hassle, no lonliness..... just me and I'm alright.

....and I am late for work ;-)

Monday Already?

Here I am. On my last day before I actually have to start teaching, and instead of preparing lessons, or reading the Shakespeare that I have to teach...I am drinking a glass of red wine, in front of my fireplace, which watching NCIS reruns and reading strangers' blogs. This is how I prepare.....next I'm going to take a bubble bath while my nice clothes finish drying..... and maybe even open the bottle of Chardonnay that's waiting patiently in the fridge, before I make my lunch and get my book bag ready for the morning. I don't guarentee that these plans will make me a better teacher, or get my head in the game for wrangling 9th graders at the crack of dawn... but they will calm my nerves and give me a good nights sleep. So really what's more important?

I'm a good teacher. (and if I tell myself that over and over I may actually remind myself of that fact) and I love my job. So life is good.

Except for being in Rochester alone..... and being seperated for the next 4 months.... and doing the same things we swore we would never do again.....

......caution.....

This post is me whining. Not out of the ordinary I know. But I just wanted to warn you in advance.

This little kid I know is engaged. ok.....so he's not so little. Hes gotta be 22ish. And I had the BIGGEST crush on him ever, which was highly looked down upon by my classmates when I was in high school I might add. If I wasn't truly enamored in my own relationship I totally would have gone after this younger man...... he's been happily dating this chick for 2 years and they recently got engaged. This makes me look at my own 9 year relationship and wince. We have been going no where for 9 years......9 years. People that have been interested in me have moved on with their lives......

im frustrated and bitter.......and its valentines day. super.





ps. job is going well. its nice to have a friend at work (thanks eddie! ) especially friends who give wine as gifts.

I'm supposed to....

....be getting ready for work. but I would rather procrastinate until the last minute. Run a brush through my wet hair, only have time to pump two gallons of gas into my car, forget my lunch, race to school and complain about how bad my hair looks all day...... why. Why do I do this?

Nerves.

So I start my next long term sub placement tomorrow. And Im nervous.....so three glasses of wine later I decided I should tell you all about it.

Im teaching 9th grade (same grade as before yay!) in a teeny tiny little district, that pays not even half of what I was making at previous suburban school, and no health insurance and is 40 mins away from home...... and I will be away from the boy, and alone in my house and cranky....

But.... I HAVE A JOB. and should count my blessings. Because it will look GREAT on my resume and I am going to have a pay check that goes into my bank account. and life is good.

Wish me....

LUCK!

I have my 2nd interview tomorrow for a long term English position! Its just a subbing job, but it will get me through June with a paycheck every week.

Its about a half hour drive from my home and its a cute little school district. So Im hopeful that all goes well tomorrow. Its been really frustrating lately with no money coming in at all. We've been surviving on his unemployment check....barely. And there are black clouds in the future for his family, we're pretty sure that dad is losing his job soon...and then I dont know what we will do.

Im up in the air about moving back to my house, I know its for the best and I really really really need this job. But its tough on us when Im 2 hours away for most of the week. I know that we always work things out for the best, but it has been a rocky road for us for so long now. we were really hoping I could find something near home, and that we could just be together.

So..... wish me luck, and keep us in your prayers.

And more exciting news, my little Luke man is going to be a big brother! Congrats Jen and Jeff on Baby #2 on the way. I can't wait to meet her. (its going to be a her, I can feel it.)