ugh. I hate being a moral, upright, good person

Today one of the other managers at work showed up one hour and twenty minutes late for her waitressing shift with out calling. Her excuse: I fell asleep. (after being up till 6am drinking and playing poker and doing who knows what drugs). I hate her guts.

Not for being late. Not for being out all night. Not for napping. Not even for not calling and making her co-workers work a longer shift to cover her. (and this didn't even effect me because I was bar tending.)

I hate her guts because were it me I would be ravaged with guilt. I would feel like complete scum. I would have hopped out of bed, shoved my hair in a lopsided pony tail and raced to work. I would have apologized a million times to the girls who stayed late to cover me...i would not have "Looked at the clock, realized I would be late, and went back to sleep for ten minutes because I said 'what the hell, I'm already late'..." I would not have made time to shower or put on makeup. I would feel like crap.....

I hate her guts because she barely shrugged about it. Because she didn't care or apologize about it...and because there will be no consequences for her actions. Why you ask? Because she is screwing the general manager.....

I am not bitter. I just wish that once and a while I could forget that my momma taught be to be an honest, hard worker, and I would just be a selfish bitch. I wish I could have no responsibilities except for working at the bar, and could stay out till 6am and screw my friends and co-workers and not care about it. Just one time.

I'm done venting. Thank you.

I'm sorry, I'm just an idiot

If your job were to collect tolls on the thru-way would you not expect that you should be able to count change?
If you were a bag boy at the grocery store, one would hope that you could get those tricky little plastic bags open.
If you are a teacher I would expect that you could manage to average grades together maybe even focus an over head projector.
A laywer, I would hope that you were a master of saying things like "Yes your honor" and have the ability to write in legal gobel-ti-gook.
I would assume that a doctor would know how to check blood pressure, and that a mail man know how to open a mail box.

You get my point.

Thus I assume that the director of the educaton program at Roberts Wesleyan College would know what classes are required for....you guessed it....a degree in education. Maybe I would be pushing it to hope that she would also know what classes are being offered this summer.

Beauty is only ankle deep

So I was at work yesterday. Bartending. As a bartender one must be particularly adept at ignoring rude customers, pretending not to hear stupid comments, and smiling when you really would like to beat someone over the head with a bottle. So I'm bending over to reach the last bottle of coors light in the corner of a really deep cooler when I hear this, "Wow, she has a great ass I'd like to......(insert something perverse here)....", and the reply "Yeah she's hot...think she'll give us free drinks I give (insert something else perverse here)....." Now my first thought was "Ugh I hate men." I smile, and move to the other end of the bar to talk to some women, and ignore the boys when they want refills. I ignore the purposeful stares and the "excuse me miss-es". Ahhh the power of the bartender, sorry guys you wanted another beer? (they never got one) However after they left and I got down off my power trip this is what was going through my head...

"I have a nice butt? No way. It jiggles. I have a nice butt? huh? hmmm...hot. I'm hot? could they have been talking about someone else? No stupid you were the only one serving drinks. Well, my butt looked bad yesterday, it looked big last week, and Im pretty sure that these pants make it look flat? Does it look flat? Is a flat butt hot?...." and so on went the internal turmoil for 45 minutes until my shift was over....

So I trotted back to the ladies room to look in the mirror to see if in fact I had a nice butt. Unfortunately that even standing in the back of the room on my tiptoes the mirror was way to high to give me a full view of my rear. Soooo.... I locked the door and climbed onto the the toilet to elevate my booty enough so that it all fit in the mirror....I looked, it was fine. Not great, but fine. "Hmmm... I have a nice ass. ha." I gave it a little victory wiggle (mostly to see if it jiggled). No jiggle. Success with the jogging! YAY. I have tone, I am booty-liscious, I am hot! I wiggled it again.

I slipped and stepped in the toilet.



I think I will wait until someone tells me that I am intellectually captivating or goddess-like before I give my butt a victory wiggle again.

Calorie Free, Sugar Free, Guilt Free Double Chocolate Brownie Chunk Peanut Butter Goodness is not just a dream

Today I walked. Three miles, with my bratty little dog who when I wasn't dragging her along, was choking herself in her effort to get...where? I have no idea. I am imagining her little brain saying something like "if only the leash was an inch longer I could find a cure for cancer. just an inch, just an inch, just an inch. strrrrrrrreach." The sun was out. I put on my new sports bra that has been waiting all winter for a chance to motivate me into action. (I joined Jazzercise two months ago, direct debit from my checking account, I was imagining a toned, motivated me. I mean if they were going to take the money out of my account regardless I might as well go. I have been once. Yup. Once.) I slipped my ankle brace on, donned new sneakers, put on a cute little red tank top and stepped out into the life of a healthier person. I was cold. The sun was decieving. We walked anyway. We are healither. We had ice cream for lunch.



But I did convince myself to rake the leaves out of my flower beds and I found this:

Love for England

By far my favorite memory of college is my summer study abroad in England with Todd....Zack had just dumped me with no warning the weekend before my final exams, which I subsequently failed 3 of 5 due to lack of sleep, crying hysterically and no energy from not eating...I had been so excited about spending the three weeks in England and coming home to spend the summer with zack, until I realized he would be spending the summer with Tina. (his excuse had been that he never sees me....HELLO dummy Im going to be home all summer.) So I was heart broken, and underweight and with my best friend Todd in a foriegn country where drinking for 18 year olds was legal. It couldnt have been a better situation!

Todd was my roomie, (hes gay) and we had the most amazing experiences ever. I paid for zero drinks during the three weeks we were there due to my amazing cuteness. (I love being a girl.)We spent several days in London "studying" Dickens, went to Dickens' house, shopped in Notting Hill, managed to get one of the Queen's guards to go out for drinks with us, saw Greig and layed in a field in the sunshine underneath the ferris wheel, stayed in the grossest youth hostel ever, almost got kicked out of said youth hostel...we went to Dorchester, played skittles (the alley kind), drank ourselves into a stupor, went home with boys that worked at the hotel, had no idea where we were or out to get back to the Kings Arms, went to the beach(Weymouth), played with sheep, "studied" Thomas Hardy...LOVE DORCHESTER!

....went to Oxford, (hate oxford), stood on Harry Potter stairs, and in Harry Potter dining hall...Went to Haworth where we studied the Bronte sisters (Wuthering Heights) and some strange Boccee like game on a tilted grassy area, walked through the moors where we got caught in a really scary, beautiful storm... such gray clouds, such wind and rain, miles from the hostel...good stuff. Then back to London for a few days of drinking, er, I mean studying Middlemarch.....

Im remembering this because I just found my journal from that summer in my cedar chest...I was pathetically heartbroken but I was funny I decided...I am a great writer (in that journal mind you, not on my thesis that I have 6 pages written of)...I opened the journal and rose petals scattered all over my floor, picked for me by an adoreable boy with a delicious accent in Dorchester. And I love Todd for being there with me and making it the most memorable summer ever.

And I wonder as I read it how many times I can let my heart be broken by the same man before I give up.....

I have a new digital camera, thus I have random pictures I want to do something with, and as I do not have time or ambition to scrap book them.....here are some:













Me and my fellow pretty ladies from the Smokehouse....










My lovie Luke and the teddy bear I sent him for St.Pattys Day. Oh how I love to squish those cheeks.















The Austrailian Cattle Dog puppy, Audi, at the SPCA that I am desperately trying to convince myself that I don't need to bring home....why do I go in there? They inevitably will break my heart and make me think I need six dogs....

















My own dog Penn-noodle, who seems is getting really tired of me flashing the camera in her face.

Another day

Between 8:30 and 9:00 in the morning, when the sun shines through my kitchen window and the snow outside sparkles like diamonds...that's my favroite time of day. I hung a tiny crystal prism there a few weeks ago, that I bought for too much money while on our tour of the seneca lake wineries (because maybe I had too many glasses of wine)....and starting at 8:30 rainbows cascade across all the walls in my house. They flutter up the stairs and rest for moments on the bright yellow walls of my newly painted kitchen. Penny chases them across the carpet, and I enjoy my coffee as they float gently across the table. Its really one of the simplest pleasures and yet I can't imagine starting my day any other way...

except today it is cloudy. Go figure.

I'm dropping out of school

I just finished two pages of Chapter two of my thesis project.....only about 30 more to go and chapter two will be done....lets not talk about chapters 1,3,4,5, or 6.......I'm not even a little bit frustrated.....just insane...hahahahahehehehehehe.

I have to bartend tonight...then I was going to drive home...but its supposed to snow 8-10 inches by 8am tomorrow. Isn't it spring yet? No St.Patty's day dinner for me looks like.

Im ready for flip flops, tan lines, and fishing in the pond. Aren't you?

A true conversationalist

I just had a complete conversation with my dog. Not just the average every day conversations that we have like "come on penny, lets go put the laundry in the dryer." or "Do you want to go get the mail with me"....no no.....this conversation was deep. A real "Penny what do you think about such-and-such. Oh yeah? No I dont like the way they redecorated their house either....do you think that the neighbors will ever finish their addition because I am really tired of the hammering...and what shall we have for lunch today, I was thinking about making chicken salad. Would you like some?"

I think I might be lonely....

Baby Feet

I love baby feet. Especially these ones:

They belong to Luke and they just are asking to be kissed and tickled don't you think?

I love that little boy. :-)

Why?

Most people blog to keep in touch with friends and family or perhaps because they have some aspirations of being a witty journalist in some online E-zine. Me? Well I mostly do it to put off doing my homework, or instead of shoveling the driveway, and sometimes just so that I have an excuse to sit at my computer and do nothing. I don't think that anyone really reads this EVER, and I havent given the address to very many of my friends and family. So really what is the point?

The point is, that I can sit here and tell this blank screen that today I cleaned my entire bathroom, (with Lysol, not just a damp piece of toilet paper to clean the gunk off the mirror so I can see in it.) I vacuumed the stairs which I loathe doing because I inevitably will drop the vacuum cleaner down the stairs or on my foot. I scrubbed the oven and stove top until it sparkled. I DUSTED THE TV! (and believe it or not there is nothing wrong with the picture it was just dirty) I did dishes, organized my closet, and even mopped the floor....and I feel pretty proud of myself.

And you know what? This blank screen won't tell me to shut up, or mention that no one cares, or tell me that everyone cleans their house, works full time jobs, takes care of their family members and goes to school as well. This blank screen won't make me feel insignificant, or inferior or even try to one up me. And I really like that feeling....

Especially after a crappy crappy weekend.

So now, with my dish pan hands, Im gonna go enjoy a glass of wine. Because this blank screen won't tell me that drinking by myself is inappropriate.

....that's grandma's job, and she comes tomorrow....(did i dust on top of the entertainment center yet....???!!!)

A lil lonely

So last night, I had a wonderful hot bubble bath with Julia-Roberts-pretty-woman mountains of bubbles. I turned on the radio, I shaved my legs...and relaxed. I opened that tiny, little bottle of ridiculously expensive French moisturizer that I bought in a cute boutique in London and slatherd it all over myself. It felt wonderful by the way, my legs felt like satin. I slipped into my nightgown that looked so incredibly sexy on the model in the catalog, and looks like a tent on me...and climbed into my freshly made bed...me, a book and my dog...and then I cried. Hysterically. Because it just seems like a waste of a cute nightie and expensive lotion to be snuggling down in bed by myself. again.